October 29th, 2006
Had my 1 year surgiversary/rebirthday last week. I've lost roughly 160 pounds and am holding steady at about 222(ish) down from 384. I updated my userpic too because I did a halloween make up runthrough yesterday and like the way my eyes came out.
April 23rd, 2006
What my brain says...:
Hello there all my peeps...yes, I have peeps dammit!
This is a PSA of sorts. If you check my info page, you'll notice that 2 sites have been added to my syndication list, 'aodwarped' and 'aodholybuckets'.
Warped is the hubby's blog and Holy Buckets is mine. I'm in the process of moving...yes...while there are many features of LJ which I enjoy, I feel that I'm sort of outgrowing the posting part of this site. So hubby has built me a page. I posted the link in an earlier post, http://www.arcofdescent.org/kathysblog
, and for those of you who would like to, I would love for you to add my syndication to your own list. I've made a lot of good friends here, mostly through the wls community and I'd like to take you all with me. I'll be coming back here (hopefully) daily to check my friends page to keep up with your posts but I will more than likely not be posting on this journal anymore. So if you'd like, add my other site so we can stay in touch. I'll probably still post to the wls community whenever I have something of interest to share there, but for the most part, all my online posts will be going to HB from now on.
I do hope you'll join me :)
April 21st, 2006
What my brain says...:
Well…a year has come and gone. I did the same thing last year too, where it took me forever to post about it and I didn’t even really finish last year. Even though we’ve been together for almost 8 years now, Monday was mine and hubby’s 1st wedding anniversary. As stated in another post, we started out the day at Denny’s for breakfast, where I fit in the booth :). Actually, we started the day running around trying to get our taxes filed :P but that’s a whole ‘nother issue. We got home from Denny’s and Gary took a nap until 2. Which turned into a nap until about 2:30/quarter to 3 until I threatened to go into the other room, dig out my Skid Row CD and play it until he got up… “I’m awake!”
While he was sleeping, I packed our bag and we were on the road at a little after 3pm. Traffic was horrible and we ended up arriving at the hotel about quarter after 4. On the drive there, I remembered all the things I had forgotten to bring, among them the $20 present from his mom and our digital camera. There were many other things but I don’t remember them now. How fitting :P. I think we went down into the casino on Monday between the time we got there and when Prison Bre- yah, we did because I remember we got burgers to take back up to the room.
I think it’s a testament to how much I like our new apartment (or else just the fact that we stayed in the same room last year), but I wasn’t as excited about the room this year as I was last year. Last year, I didn’t want to leave because the hotel room was so much nicer than our apartment at the time. This year, well this year, I LIKE our apartment that we’re in now. Nice hardwood floors, it’s clean…what’s not to like? The hotel room was still nice, don’t get me wrong, and there was one thing that I got to enjoy about it this year that I didn’t last year which made it better, but overall I was sort of fidgeting by Tuesday night waiting for it to be time to go home. But one thing I still like more than our apartment is the friggin bed. It’s a king (or maybe a California king) and is SO HUGE! We were both in the bed and there was room for at least one more person in there. I said as much and Gary told me not to get any ideas. Spoilsport :P I spent most of Tuesday in the room just sort of hanging out and watching TV. This however did not stop us from blowing through $300 in the course of the 2.something days we were there. Not counting the cost of the room. I guess it’s ok, we still have money in the bank and I had reasoned that $300 was the amount we could “comfortably” lose without putting unnecessary strain on our budget, but it would have been nice to at least break even.
And now…onto the big one…the grand daddy of all milestones (so far) on the road I began travelling in October of last year:( splish splashCollapse )
April 20th, 2006
What my brain says...:
Originally posted July 19, 2000 on my blogger.com account. That's right...I'm oldskool
It's just past dinnertime, and I'm just sittin' here, watchin t.v.(well not NOW, now I'm typing, silly) and I heard a familiar sound. A sound everyone knows, and everyone at one time or another in their lives has been associated with, be it from the inside or the outside. Coming down the street toward my apartment building I heard, as if on the breeze, a cheery little tinkling tune. And almost immediately after it, the sound of several neighborhood children screeching at the top of their lungs, "ICE CREAM!!! ICE CREAM!! ICE CREAM!!!" over and over again like some sort of idealic tribal chant. And it got me thinking (as so many things do nowadays). When the hell did my life go from that...to this? And where the hell was I? When did the point in my life disappear where just that one, tiny, insignificant sound made everything right in the world? For the one minute or so before I got my ice cream (usually a nutty buddy bar, or one of those multicolored rocket shaped pops) to the 10 minutes or so later when I finished it, life, the world, and everything in it made complete and total sense. If Santa Claus himself had shown up at that exact moment to offer me the one thing I asked for every year, but never received, I would have told him to hold on until I had eaten the last little bit of chocolate at the bottom of the cone, or licked the stick completely clean (whichever it happened to be that day). Maybe if we all ran out the next time the ice cream man drove down our streets, waited in line, and got that wonderful frozen treat...maybe..just maybe, the world would be a happier place...
Just a thought...
I was reading through my husband's blog (www.arcofdescent.org/warped it's not an actually link because, just as in 2000, I'm an HTMLtard. It is definately worth the read though so I suggest you bust out your mad typin' skillz and diddle on over there.) the other day and he posted all his archives to all his old blogs, back to 2000. I was annoyed because I didn't think I still had mine but low and behold, blogger still had me registered and I actually remembered my username and password. Someday I'll figure out how to bring all this shit together. In the meantime, if you're interested (or just want to stab yourself in the head for the pain but don't have a knife handy), the link is http://www.arcofdescent.org/kathysblog/
I'll warn you now before you jump in and smack your head on the bottom of my empty gene pool that I was seriously in need of a good smack upside the head back in the old days. I was a heavy user of virtual places chat and the blog posts from earlier on reflect that in spades. I had to stop reading myself after a dozen or so because it just hurt my head too bad to continue. The archive links work, but I never archived the last little bits of posts, so not all of them show up there. It also has a black background with light blue text which (so I'm told) is a bit hard on the eyes. But gimme a break...this shit is almost 6 years old. Holy fuck.
Anyway, the reason I posted the entry above is because I love moments like that. I had one tonight. Those moments that are triggered by a seemingly insignificant event, sight, sound, smell or whatever and it does all sorts of weird and happy stuff to your brain. On the way home from work tonight, I was sitting on the bus, The Beatles were telling me to Come Together (RIGHT NOW!) and I was staring out the window at the thunder heads off in the distance.
And then I saw a rainbow. It brought an instant smile to my face and I temporarily silenced Mr. Lennon and crew by removing my headphones and lifted my sunglasses off my face to try and get a better look.
I love rainbows. I don't know why. It might have something to do with my ALL TIME! favorite book, "The Rainbow Goblins". For those of you with children (or for those of you like me without children, but still young at heart aww) I highly recommend this book. If you can find it. It is incredible. The illustrations are absolutely wonderful and the story is really sweet. Basically, "Once Upon A Time" the rainbow touched the earth. There were the goblins who would lasso the colors of the rainbow and sort of "milk" it and drink the colors from it. One night, the flowers in this meadow overhear the goblins planning to kill the rainbow and the flowers devise a plan to save the rainbow and kill the goblins. It works and it's so cool!
Anyway, I love rainbows. They are so simple, and so pretty, and make me feel so happy whenever I see them.
I love the internet. I found pictures!! And amazon.com has the book for sale. Seriously...BUY IT!
Now I have to...ok nm...I can't copy it. Here's the link... http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0500277591/ref=sib_dp_pt/103-2681701-2579024#reader-page
Wow...that's a big link.
Anyway, just wanted to share my rainbow :)
April 17th, 2006
What my brain says...:
One year ago today, I was on my way to get married. I’m not sure exactly of times, but I’m pretty sure we were at least getting ready to get in the car (my mom and I) and on our way to Mall Of America’s Chapel Of Love.
What a year it’s been. One year ago today, I was 120 pounds heavier. I was dreaming about what it would be like to have surgery. I was praying that, once I switched to my new husband’s insurance, that I would be approved and able to have it before the end of the year. And I prayed that it would work.
This morning, Gary and I went to Denny’s for breakfast. Although we didn’t go exactly when we planned on it because I was up until 4:30 this morning reading through his old blog archives. He has them all, all the way back to July 2000. It was very surreal reading things that he wrote from that long ago. I’m glad that he had them. When we first got together in 1998, we had a website. Well, he had a website and I squeezed my way into it. We had written pages to each other, and put up a screen capture of our VP “wedding”. It’s long since gone. On the computer that he had when I first moved here, he had all the icq conversations and all the emails that I had sent him saved. But we had to reformat that computer after it died one day and all of that was lost.
It was nice that some parts of our lives together have been saved. He surprised me this morning with a letter he had written me for our anniversary. I’m not going to say what it said, because even though I (obviously) have no problem sharing my personal life with the nameless, faceless 10’s that read this site, this is just for me. I want to keep it just for me. Plus it would probably embarrass him if I posted it and I don’t want to do that.
It was a surprise because I had told him that I didn’t want him to get/give me anything. Earlier this year, he agreed (finally!) to go on a cruise next year and I told him at the time that in exchange for that, I didn’t require any presents this year. And I meant it. But on my birthday he surprised me with flowers and then for him to write me something that was totally unexpected and so sweet. It meant more to me than anything that he could have bought in any store.
We may be “newlyweds”, but we’ve been together now for almost 8 years (7 ½ of those actually living together). Some of that time we spent as strangers, and most of the time we’ve spent loving each other more than either of us had thought possible. I find myself sometimes marveling at what a gift I was given that day in May of ’98 when he was brought into my life.
In about an hour and a half, we’ll be headed out to go and spend our 1st anniversary in the hotel where we spent our honeymoon. We’ll even be in the same room. I cannot wait for this time with him. Yes, we live together (alone) and spend every day together. We work the same shift so (aside from his Friday’s when he’s off and I have to work) we’re always home together. But there is something infinitely more wonderful about getting out of our usual surroundings to have that time really and truly alone together to have nothing to focus on but each other. I cherish those times with him and I hope he feels the same way.
As I mentioned earlier in this
already too long post, we went to Denny’s for breakfast. Do we know how to partay or what?? Anyway, we haven’t been out to eat since before my surgery. I wanted to go there because I wanted to test the boundaries of another milestone in my post-op journey. The last time we went there, we had to sit at a table because I had long since outgrown the booths in most restaurants but especially Denny’s. The last time that I sat in a booth there, I left with a huge bruise right on my stomach above my bellybutton from the table because I was too big to really be able to sit there. Since then, I have dreaded going out anywhere for fear that there wouldn’t be a table available.
We walked into the restaurant and waited to be seated. I’ll admit, as the host walked us out to the dining room, I half hoped he’d put us at a table. I wanted to test it, but didn’t want to be upset, especially on this day, if it didn’t work out the way I had hoped. He sat us at a booth and I eyed the space in the seat as I sat down. I expected to at least be touching the table. What actually happened left me completely speechless, but giggling hysterically while I put my hands over my eyes and tried not to start bawling right there in the middle of people eating their grand slams and senior breakfasts.
Not only was I not touching the table, there was enough room that I could cross my arms in front of me in between my body and the table edge. I looked down and could see the seat. I slouched down in the seat like I’ve never been able to do before, at least not in my adult life. I couldn’t stop giggling. I’m still amazed at what has taken place today. A door in my life has been reopened and instead of being disappointed by what was on the other side, I’m enjoying the light that is flooding in because of that opening. There’s more doors in this room that need to be opened, but I think I’ll enjoy the newness and the brightness of this one for awhile.
And the best part was that I got to do this with the man I love, and who loved me enough to marry me 120 pounds ago. I got to share this experience with him and see that he was proud of me and was happy for me and loved me.
Time is indeed on my side and I cannot wait to see what is in store for me tomorrow and all the tomorrows after.
Oh, and p.s. I made my goal of 260 by this date. Go me :)
April 14th, 2006
What my brain says...:
I Poop On You Poo Poo
I have stayed quiet all night and into this morning. I have not said anything provocative since the last “big” post I made early yesterday afternoon. The obsessive “post counting” of how many times in the interim that I posted about you or your website can and is attributed to me choosing to respond to your inanity here instead of over in your den of iniquity. So basically they are glorified comments. And since you seem to be so fond of counting as a form of obsession, lets take a look at that count, shall we? Yesterday, I made 10 posts on my site about you. You posted 100+ times on your site about me. Obsession…yah…Calvin would be proud.
Last night, my husband decided to respond to you all about what had been going on during the day when he was unable to visit the site while at work. I asked him not to, and we talked about it at great length which is why it took him so long to make that response. And he tried to be nice about it. What he got for his efforts was having his account deleted by “someone” over there. He sent a message to the site’s owner, asking if, since he was having trouble logging in, he had been banned. The response was swift, but altogether unconvincing. I’m paraphrasing here: “Hmmm…not that I know of. Did you try the ‘forgot password’ thing?”
Huh…you know…I may be just a lowly LJ user, but the last time I checked, if you forget your password while trying to log in, your username doesn’t disappear from the database and your user icon doesn’t disappear from your posts. But I could be wrong…I don’t speak binary.
He then tried logging in my account to test a theory and sure enough, my account was deleted as well. So, even though I invited you all to say whatever you wanted to say with the knowledge that nothing would be blocked, filtered, or banned, you chose instead to stay in your little cubby hole and play “Let’s make fun of the fat girl with stupid, uncreative, and ultimately sad fat jokes that my 4 year old told me.” And then, instead of taking your lumps when the criticism started hitting a little too close to home, you banned the accounts. I bet you were the kids who kicked other kids in the shins on the playground when you were little and then took your ball and went home.
You said I “freaked out”, “went off my nut” and some other things that I’m just not interested enough in to find out exactly about after my “satiric review” was posted. (Oh, just as an aside… “satiric”…that doesn’t mean “Half Assed”. Just an FYI) Well, lets look at that for just a second. There were 2 initial posts made by me as a form of response to my “rev…” you know, I’m not even going to use that word anymore because it just doesn’t qualify. Instead I’ll use “peek”. That’s better. Ok…There were 2 initial posts made by me as a form of response to the “peek” at my journal. One was a review of my own. The other was a review of the “peek”. The only difference between what I wrote in those 2 initial posts and what you do every day to countless people was the length of mine. Mine was an actual review.
And hey…it was “satirical”. Get it? It shouldn’t be taken seriously. Get over it.
I posted these “satirical” reviews on my own site. Then, because I knew that if they were seen by a member of Team Bitchslap but were not “advertised” on their site, the response would be that I didn’t have the balls to come and post about it myself. Much in the same manner as Queen B tried to put down someone who made a comment on their own site about the PPGirls template but didn’t bother to inform them that it was there.) So instead, I moseyed on over there and told them that it was there if they felt the need to look. And they did. Never once did I say anything about anything (except to note that the color of the comment box was the same as the border around my page).
That is when the “freaking out” started, and not by me. So tell me this…how is what you are accusing me of doing any different than what you actually did? I mean come on! It was “satirical”. Get over it. It wasn’t to be taken seriously. And the majority of the responses that ensued came yesterday at well over 100 (probably closer to 150) and less than probably 2 were made by me. So who kept it going? You all did. You called me a baby, and said I was obsessed, but out of the 200+ comments that are attached to that “peek” report, how many of them are mine? How many times did you say that I needed to let it go? And how many times after one of those comments did one of you start it up again? Things were dead, or at the very least dying, until annie felt that it needed to be resuscitated because she didn’t have a chance at the feeding frenzy the night before. And because she couldn’t think of anything clever to say that hadn’t already been beaten to death, she pulled out her amazing Twinkie Gun and fired off a creamy-filled shot in my direction. So who kept it going?
I have not said anything since early yesterday afternoon, yet there are about 40 more comments on the page since that time. Who has kept it going?
I was supposedly off my nut and psycho and over the line….but never once did I even try to get personal with anyone. What does the fact that I’m fat have to do with whether or not my blog sucks? I mean seriously…what has that got to do with anything? Does my blog look fatter because I’m fat? (I’m sure the answer to that will be a resounding ‘yes!’ along with another offering of Twinkies). And I have to say to BB’s poor excuse for a human being husband: That was very clever there…using the numbers on the end of my name to do a sort of ‘word play’ and get a fat joke in there. Since you’re known as “Mr. BB”, does that mean that you are lacking a penis? Because any man who is known by his wife’s name obviously has some pecker issues.
See? Now what is the point of getting personal? That is not enjoyable…that is not clever…it just makes you look like a shmuck.
What does whether or not I have to wax my upper lip have to do with whether or not my blog sucks? Does my blog look hairier because you feel that I need to wax my upper lip?
Someone posted at some point since 12:30 last night that they couldn’t believe this was still going on. Um…dear….I haven’t said a word (here or there) since yesterday afternoon. Who is keeping it going??
You cannot handle it when your own drama is dished back out to you. Your “reviews” are “satirical”…I still haven’t gotten an answer to my question about whether or not the good ones should not be taken seriously as well. When someone stands up to you, or disagrees with you, you turn into a pack of wild dogs chewing on a week old carcass. When you run out of things to beat to death about the thing you’re supposed to be talking about, you turn it into a personal assault. Yet I’m the one being childish. You tell someone over and over again to let it go, yet half a dozen of you have managed to send the post count on this one review to over 200. My husband’s posts together with mine are probably less than 20. I’m the one who’s being obsessive. Yet after I stop commenting on your site and bring it over to my own, you continually surf your way over here to read what I’m writing and then go back into hiding to feed off of each other and keep it going. One of you actually managed to find the link to post a comment here but didn’t leave your name. Chicken shit is all that is. If you desire to leave a comment in the future, bring your balls (or your cunt) with you and post your fucking name. Don’t hide behind your anonymity and think you’re being cute and clever.
And the next time you want to tell a fat joke, try to be a little more clever than the kid I hit in the face with my lunchbox in kindergarten for pulling my hair. At least he left a lasting impression.
Oh, and it isn’t my fault if you cannot read or string together a complete set of coherent thoughts you ignorant pansies.
April 13th, 2006
ut2m @ 03:56 pm
What my brain says...:
Posted by: Avitable
I've never seen someone who's not obsessed be so obsessed.
I could probably stop being "so obsessed" if you all would stop reading/commenting about me. You'll notice that since my last "big" post, I haven't said anything unless you all have said something first.
ut2m @ 03:48 pm
What my brain says...:
Posted by: annie
Woo-hoo! We rate SEVEN diatribes, I mean posts, (so far.)
I was worth MY OWN post!
*does happy dance*
Better watch those *action* things there, annie...one of the bitches doesn't like them...or at least that's what she said in someone's review awhile back. It seems to be a bit rabid over there...you might get a leg bitten off if they decide to turn on you.
ut2m @ 03:33 pm
What my brain says...:
Posted by: madbull, Esq.
Ahum, I had to stalk... of course. Feedreaders aare nice aren't they.
I am glad she found a new pleasure in life and she doesn't stop amazing her
world. I mean what could be more creative than giving IT2M an own 'mood'
But I am glad for her. Her main page looks a lot better already. The only
thing that captured me on her page was what her brain said. Most brainfarts
were 'crappy' and 'empty'. Now it all looks better. IT2M gave her
something to live for... and to post about. I wonder if she hears voices and
writes to them or just entertains herself.
Wow, bull...that's the first reasonably cognitive thing you've written. Did somebody write it for you?
ut2m @ 02:15 pm
What my brain says...:
Posted by: annie
She can't afford to PAY for a real review, so she expects IT2M to do her
bidding for FREE!!!
She can't afford to pay, cuz that would dip into her twinkie fund!!!
oh..oha...ohahahahahahaha! That is so clever! "Let me see now...hmmm...I need to prove that I'm not an idiot like I demonstrated by not being able to spell her name right even though it's right in front of me...hmmm...how can I appear to be clever? I KNOW! SHE'S FAT! I'LL MAKE A TWINKIE JOKE!! YES!!"